Braking News

The truth about carrots was finally revealed yesterday when the research team of the Lite Corporation found abnormalities during a standard database checkup. The corporation's founder Sherif Lite said 'The abnormalities found are atrocious and I am shocked that we went this long without finding them. It is my firm belief and recommendation that all carrots be destroyed before anyone is affected'.
The Food Standards Commission holds similar views, saying they would like see all carrot crops shot into space, as it's about time something was.
In other news ten frogs were killed in an explosion in Avebury.

Komputer

My worst nightmares have come true all at once. I can't open doors, my clothes stick to my skin so hard that I'd need a chisel to get them off, the air smells like dead animals and I got all the questions to my general knowledge quiz wrong.
It was just weird, I'd learned all of those facts off by heart, they were embedded into my memory and I was as sure they were correct as I was that the sky was blue. I can't believe it.
It turns out that computers were lying all along.

A Tale Too Tall

A legend that always arose in the communities of the Red Candy Swamp was that of the giant mud golem. Every hundred years the behemoth would rise out of the marsh and roar with the sound of six thousand and one pheasants all trying to get to a bar at the same time. But it was one faithful day that a young boy discovered the truth behind this tale.
Young Boy stroked his massive boy chin in an attempt to seem thoughtful as he studied the pages of the tome the legend was recorded in when he discovered on the inside back cover was a note scratched in ink.
'I hope one day this dream journal of mine will be published, really I do. Signed, Young Boy' Young Boy recoiled so fast that he flew into space and took up a career in auditing.

That Bloody Sun

It was sunny again, bloody sun. Never knew when to bugger off, did it? There we'd be, enjoying a peaceful cloudy day when all of a sudden there it'd appear, shining in the sky and burning us into crisps. What an attention seeking ponce, eh? Just expecting us to drop whatever we're doing and applaud its presence as if Audrey Hepburn had entered our front room or something.
And what does it do? Does it say hello with a cheery wave? Does it make some polite conversation? No! It just stays there in the bloody sky all day long, not working, I might add. Why don't you just go home? You're not wanted here!

CATs

My cat is bigger than normal cats and I think she knows it. Every evening I see her on the streets, being alienated by her feline counterparts for her strange size. Living with her isn't bad, considering the circumstances. You certainly get used to it after a while and then you hardly notice that she's five times larger than she should be.
Her diet consists of what you would expect a cat to eat; fish, owls, shepherds, nothing out of the ordinary. But she'll drink nothing but wine.
Oh wait a minute that's not a cat, it's my girlfriend.

Trees and Stuff

The tree had existed forever, which rose a few questions. The man currently asking them was Lance Hoffer, a computer scientist from Detroit in space.
“So how is this possible?” he asked the tree.
“Look, shut up, I've told you and everyone else the answer to that a million times over” spoke the tree in an exasperated voice, ruffling in annoyance..
“No, you said that instead of actually answering the question” Lance corrected.
“I'll tell you what, I'll explain to you how this is at all possible when you tell me the true reason for your questions”
Lance sighed, rolling his eyes.

Hey, you know what?

If it's one thing I've found about making things habits it's that to take any given thing and make it into a habit it has to be somethhing that can be done easily. Blogging giant blocks of fiction isn't easy, especially when you get no views for your efforts.

So here's the plan. From now on I will post on this blog. However it will now be used to post microfiction. And not just any microfiction, microfiction of around 100 words which I like to call micromicrofiction (although the name might be a little generous). This is easy, doable and if someone actually sees it then awesomesauce.

This one's called Humble and Fetching

In a lost clearing in the Thousand-acre Wood, a humble bumble bee said down to drink its tea. It was hard to believe that no-one was as humble as the humble bumble bee. But it was more believable to think that the humble bumble bee's mother would be marginally more humble. But only slightly more humble than the humble bumble bee sitting down to drink its tea. It was eaten by a very fetching cat in a very fetching hat.
“Mrawr” said the cat.
“Roar” said the hat. And that was that. None were quite as fetching as the very fetching cat in the very fetching hat.